I started thinking this weekend about...me. More specifically, what my purpose is. I play many roles: wife, new mom, daughter, sister, friend and possibly more? But what is my purpose and goal in life? Why am I here? The more I thought about it, the more I craved an answer. I am so happy with my life and feel so blessed but I can't shake this nagging feeling that I need to find something I'm passionate about that satisfies me professionally. I never had a specific answer when asked what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wasn't 100% profession or career oriented while I sort of floated through high school and college. I majored in psychology but really, what was I going to do with that? I chose that as my major because I'm analytical and I wanted to learn why people are the way they are. I wanted to learn why I was the way I was.
With Emily now in our lives I thought a lot about being a stay at home mom vs. a working mom. Both have their pros and cons. I want the best of both worlds. Right now, I want to be with my daughter all the time AND I want a career and set a good example for my children. Not just a job, but a career. I've always had moments throughout my twenties questioning my job at the time and why I was so unhappy at times. Now at thirty, I still question if my current job is what I want to do forever. Am I really passionate about it? I want to do something I LOVE and something I'm good at that pays me. Doesn't everybody? I've been making my own money since I was eighteen years old and the thought of not bringing home a paycheck makes me nervous as heck! Will I feel less than my husband for not making a financial contribution to my family? Will I feel guilty when I buy something for myself? Will I ever have my dream job, whatever that may be? Is my dream job to be a great stay at home mom? So many questions and I guess I'll have to stay tuned to find out.
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